TIRED

I'm tired...

I don't even know what am I supposed to do

I'm so...so...so...tired

MY ANSWER

"I need to be stronger." 

I told myself

It's almost 1 year since I graduated from From 6

My time has stopped since then

I've calmed myself down and think for my dream and future

"Is my dream worth for me to protect?" 

I asked myself to think deeply about this question

I kept asking myself everyday

Until now

Finally I found the answer

Yes

My answer is yes

I want to do it

I just couldn't let go of it

No matter what I do

I just couldn't get rid of it

"Patissiere"

That's the only thing I want to be for the rest of my life

I have prepared for it

STOP MYSELF TO BELIEVE

I wish I know how to stop myself from believing somebody
Just like they said
"You may be deceived if you trust somebody too much."
Somehow,
I feel relieved when people don't trust me
Maybe it mixed with a bit sadness
But that's fine
Because I scared they will be disappointed
No matter what I do
I will end up to disappoint them
I rather not to do anything instead make them feel sad
Like this, I could protect their heart
But if I can be selfish for once more time
I wish they can believe in me just for this time
After that, they can choose not to believe in me ever again
I don't know whether miracle like this can happen in my life pr not
But I hope I can see it happened

*(Every time when I see the sky I feel peaceful, it feels like the sky almost take me with them. I really love that feeling.)*

DREAMS AND LIFE

I wonder how many times my tears fall for my dreams

I told myself before

My dreams are the most important things in my life

If I have given a choice between my life and my dreams

I would not hesitate to choose my dreams over my life

It is because I know that without my dreams I am nothing

I wish I can understand what lives mean

Sometimes I feel like I don't understand human at all

I don't even understand myself

"I don't regret being born."
Will I able to say it in future?

" Is it okay for me to keep living?"

DON'T BELIEVE IN SOMEONE EASILY

I shouldn't have believe in someone easily
I thought she is the only one
Who understands me well
But it looks like she doesn't believed in me
She just like everybody else
I feel like I shouldn't believe in someone
No matter what happened
Everything was fake
Even people who are nearest to you will betray you
I know I have no talent
No matter how much I want them to trust me
There is no use
From I was kid
No matter what I am doing
I still couldn't catch my sisters
I wonder why I am so diferent from them
This question had been in my head since I was in primary school
Until now I still haven't got the answer
I have tried a lot of things of my sisters doing
I tried to become like them so that my mom could treat me like the way she treats my sisters
I am such a failure
I know I shouldn't give them burdens anymore
I have tried to end my life
But I am so scared
I feel like if I gone now 
I would miss something big that would happens in my life
I don't know if that big thing is my dream
but the only thing I know is 
I shouldn't miss it
I know this is kind of made up story
But I really do feel this way
Every words shown are come from my true feelings
I am not good in expressing myself that's why my blog is the only place I can take my feelings out